You know you live in Florida when . . .

- You own at least five pairs of flip flops

- You know someone who's been struck by lightning

- You say "palmetto bug" instead of cockroach

- Gators on the roadside don't scare you

- Your backyard is sometimes a swamp

- You're officially sick of Disney

- You shrug off hurricane warnings

- You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos

- There are only two seasons - hot and hotter

- You've drank a flaming alligator.

- Most likely, you're over 50

- You have more family and friends visit you, now that you  moved 1,000 miles away

- The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance

- Hot water now comes out of both taps.

- You can make sun tea instantly

- You have your own hurricane stories

- You learn that a seat buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

- The temperature drops below 90 and you feel a little chilly

- You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

- You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window

- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

- You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 am

- Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death

- You realize that asphalt has a liquid state

- The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground

- The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper

- Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

- The cows are giving evaporated milk

- The trees are whistling for the dogs

- Your quarter-length sleeved garments are saved for the winter months

- Everyone comes from somewhere else

- Golf courses are every 100 yards

- You know what a snowbird is

- You need a spatula to remove your clothing

- When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts

- You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather

- You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible

- Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."

- Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people

- Your glasses fog up when you enter a building

- You eat hot pizza and not care because you're not getting any hotter

- Your shorts look like plastic wrap on your legs

- The lights are kept off to keep the heat level down

- Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft

- You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man

- Road construction never ends

- There is only "one" evacuation route

- You've been through at least 4 major hurricanes

- You live within a mile of a body of water

- You know what plyloks are

- You work on your tan in the winter